Failuretested

There is no better way to start this post other than by asking, want to know who has big balls?! A bit crass? Maybe. But I hope you do continue to read and judge for yourself if still inappropriate. This “big-baller” per se, is someone that I’ve never heard mentioned for his bravery. Maybe mentioned for his intelligence. And definitely for his cunning. Even stigmatized for his monumental deceitfulness, but never for his bravery. In fact, his name has come to be defined to mean trickster and supplanter. Supplanter, meaning one who takes over, intentionally replacing someone else. I hope to shine new light on a personal hero of mine and either introduce or reintroduce him to you for what he truly was.

Being the second born to his fraternal twin brother, it’s recounted that Jacob came out of the womb fighting for first place. Holding onto his brother’s heel, he entered the world and exited the womb scrappy, relentless, and determined. A perfect foreshadowing of the type of man he would become. As the story continues into adulthood, with his mother’s prompting, Jacob disguises himself as his hairy brother Esau to steal the First Born’s Blessing spoken by their father Isaac. Even to the point of strapping the fur of an animal to his body to deceive his nearly blind father when he was touched. (Side note: this speaks to the incredible power of the tongue. That merely uttered sounds can have an effect on the material world). It is this event that then leads Jacob to flee from his home in hopes to escape his brother’s promise of murder and wrath. 

We follow our protagonist now wandering and exhausted in the elements of the Negev desert’s setting sun. Jacob finds himself between a literal rock and a hard place when searching for a place to rest. His tank on empty, he settles for a flat rock and makes it his pillow for the night. A rock. His pillow! (Let that sink in). Often, we find ourselves in situations and realities we cannot change. I, for the better part of four years, was homeless. I literally found myself turning my backpack full of books and notes into a pillow as I napped on carpets in empty office suites, study nooks in university libraries, beneath mounds of clothes for warmth in my parked car in shopping plazas and garage decks. All during my few free hours between full-time schools attended and full-time work. Jacob could have continued his journey, clawing along until the point of absolute biological exhaustion and inevitable death as assuredly many people have done in deserts. But what he did was calculated and insightful. This act of resting in his hard place shows that he knew more days were to come and he planned on seeing them. “I will not die here…” should be the internal statement we recite when we too find ourselves stuck between life’s many temporary seasons of rocks and hard places. “…I will be intentional in riding this out.” And it is here, that night, God visits him.

I’ve studied and come to observe that time and time again God interjects into our dire circumstances with promises and drops a glimpse of our future that He presently sees. All to establish hope in us to press on. That night, as Jacob laid making himself as comfortable as he possibly could on his plush premium desert pillow, he dreams of a towering ladder. A ladder connecting the Earth to heaven. With a series of angels ascending and descending on it. The dream wraps up with the voice of God that I’ve summed up into these three points. 1) stating and establishing who is speaking. 2) making incredible promises that he will return to his homeland and in sighting that all the families of the Earth will be blessed through his lineage (Pause; God is speaking specifically through Jacob’s descendant, Jesus Christ. Remember that). And lastly, 3) concluding with a vow stating, “For I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you” (Gen 28:15). Jacob then wakes up from his sleep and says, “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I did not know it” (Gen 28:16). What place? This place! This rock-pillow -place. This turning of my book bag into a pillow -place! This peacefully studying in my car, startled by police officers tapping on my driver side window -place. Wow! God was already there, and Jacob did not know it. I did not know it. Again, wow! Know this, God is where you are, NOW. Whether good or bad. He’s where you’ve been, where you are, and He’s where you’re going; waiting on you to arrive. The Timeless One, is ever-present. Regardless if you feel Him or not.

In the morning, Jacob wakes and continues his journey but not before anointing the flat rock pillow, blessing it, and calling that place Bethel (which means, “The House of God”). What was a few hours before a place of hardship is now viewed by him to be a place of blessing, importance, and valuable. Your tired and broken place is where God interjects and refuels you. This is what Paul means when he makes the baffling statement, “…for when I am weak, then I am strong!” (2 Cor 12:10). (We will revisit this statement from Paul later). Jacob then makes a vow of his own. Summing it up, Jacob promises that if God does everything He said, then he (Jacob) will do his part and concludes by saying, “then the Lord shall be my God” (Gen 28:21). Ever heard the phrase, “The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob”? It is interesting that God Himself will from then on often use that phrase as an introduction for Himself to others. As a resume of sorts. Reminding us of His reputation. Our God is a covenant-making, covenant-keeping God!

Now, relocated to the house of his mother’s brother Laban, Jacob the exiled finds himself a new home. He puts his skills as a shepherd to work and finds himself madly in love with the master of the house’s daughter, Rachel. Forever the negotiator, Jacob barters his labor plus no wages for the term of seven years to be given the hand of Rachel in marriage in return. To which his uncle agrees.

Jacob had the favor of God over the works of his hands. God was holding up His end of their deal and everything Jacob touched thrived. After seeing the boom in goods, flock, and increase in wealth that Jacob’s employment benefited him in those seven years, Laban conspired to keep Jacob’s labor ongoing. It even accounts that Laban was so perplexed by Jacob’s success that he resorted to sorcery and divination to figure out the source of it. Jesus states in Matt 7:20, that we’re able to know someone by their fruits. Later again in John 15:5, He states, “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” The fruits of our actions will always speak louder than any words we can ever say. And our good fruits should always point back to God.

On the night of Jacob and Rachel’s wedding, our new groom eagerly enters his bridal suite and consummates his marriage to the wife he willfully indentured his servitude for. In the morning, after what clearly must have been an awkward, nonspeaking, “becoming of one” interaction in obvious complete darkness, Jacob realizes that his new wife isn’t his wife at all! It isn’t Rachel, but her sister, Leah. The trickster has been tricked! Uh oh, karma? Jacob “reaping what he sowed” from deceiving his father before? Maybe. Maybe not. It can be totally unrelated, but an object lesson can still be learned here. Though Jacob was exceptionally blessed, that fact didn’t negate him having to deal with the consequences of his actions. No matter how long or in what manner the consequences may come. It is important to understand that some “hard places” we find ourselves squeezed, are simply the consequences of our poor actions (or also quite often, our inactions). 

Now infuriated, Jacob prowls to find his uncle Laban. Who mischievously explains that the marrying of a younger daughter before an unwed older one isn’t customary and is disgraceful to the honor of the family. Jacob would have to work another seven years for the hand of Rachel, to which he concedes because of his incredible love for her. And so, Laban steals additional years of Jacob’s blessed labor. Even adding six more additional years after wedding Rachel for a total of twenty years. All the while cheating and deceiving Jacob constantly changing his wages and terms. Yes, crappy things happen to good people. Dispel the myth that when you’re blessed, a “good person”, or a “Christian”, that bad things shouldn’t happen to you. Jesus forewarns us that we all have a cross to bear. That we are to take it up and follow Him (Luke 9:23). The King James version says it this way, “…take up his cross DAILY, and follow me.” The true Christian life isn’t for the spoiled, spineless, whining, and the lazy. But it is absolutely for the weak; for He will strengthen you (a vow of His to us).

Fed up, Jacob decides to leave. During his twenty-year stay, he not only grew the numbers of livestock in his care but also his nuclear family. With two wives, multiple children, and new kin of his own, he’s instructed by God to pack up his possessions, livestock, and family and to hit the desert road once again. Laban, the forever antagonist, of course, chases Jacob and his new tribe in hot pursuit. To which, God comes to Laban in a dream demanding that Laban essentially “cease and desist.” Now that’s gangster! God making it known to Laban, “Hey! That’s MY guy. You’re going to have to chill.” Read the full account in Genesis 31. This brings to question, where was God when Laban kept cheating Jacob during those many years? Why didn’t He intervene and give that same warning then? Because “[He] preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemies… my cup runneth over” (Psalm 23:5). That’s why! What do I mean by that? God can bless you despite your enemies trying to block it. He can turn your enemies into helpless bystanders, witnessing your favor. Laban knew without a doubt that Jacob’s God was the orchestrator of all the blessings. Jacob crossed the desert with nothing more than a staff and left the house of Laban a husband, a father, wealthy and head of a tribe of several peoples of his own in a very short twenty years (Gen 32:10). Him being tricked to marry Leah, tricked to work thirteen more years, God permitted (side note: there is a stark difference between God causing something to happen or God allowing it to be. Either way, we rest assured that “it all works out for our good” (Romans 8:28)). Ever heard of the Twelve Tribes of Israel? The twelve tribes that were represented by twelve precious stones on the breastplates of the temple priests (who were all from the tribe of Levi). The twelve tribes that each became nations of their own. The incredibly significant twelve tribes that some Jews can trace their lineage to, still today. Christ’s other name, “The Lion of Judah”. That originates here! We have Laban’s deceit to thank for that! For Rachel was barren. Though she eventually birthed two children, that is five shy of Leah’s seven. The shepherd-king David, Solomon the Wise, and Jesus Christ our savior, were all descendants of Judah, the son of Leah! God will always turn bad into good (another vow of His to us).

As Jacob heads his tribe through the desert, with every step approaching his homeland, he knows he must still deal with the consequences of wronging his brother Esau. He dreads the thought and knows Esau is a man of the sword, a wild man of the fields the bible describes him. That boy didn’t play! Personally, I imagine Esau to be a brutish, hairy, blows his nose without tissues kind of guy. And Esau’s promise of killing him, Jacob took very seriously. In the opening two verses of Genesis 32, we see that along the way, Jacob is met by God’s angels (side note: by now, Jacob is very familiar with angels. He saw them in the dream on the ladder as God spoke to him, and now again in the flesh along his journey. It is critical that you remember this fact. That Jacob is very familiar with angels at this point). Meeting these angels was an affirmation and reminder that God is with him. He calls that new place Mahanaim, meaning “This is the camp of God!” And I can just imagine his concerns of Esau being washed away. “God’ll take care of this little situation” he obviously must have thought. His next action supports that claim. We see that he instructs some of his guys to travel ahead to deliver a handsome amount of money (and of course by “money” I mean livestock and such) to his brother, with the expectation that all will be forgiven, and quarrels quelled. The messengers do as instructed and return a few days later to Jacob with every bleating sheep, goat, donkey, and servant they left with and a message of their own. And I’m paraphrasing here, “Uuhhh Esau got your message. And him, and about 400 of his goons are coming to meet you bruh.” (Gen 32:6). Uh oh! What do you do when God doesn’t fix your troubles the way that you thought He would?

Shaking in his sandals at the news, Jacob devises a plan. Even here we see Jacob though fearful still settles himself enough to analyze his predicament and establish a plan. (We can learn so much from this guy). He was a fighter. His every instinct was to survive. Jacob decides to split his people into two caravans, to travel in separate directions. In hopes that if one group is attacked by his warring brother and his men, the other group would have better odds of escaping. He’s brilliant. And makes the best possible decision he could given the predicament, then wanders off in distress and fear to be in solitude.

Solitude. A state of being that is often confused for what it is not, loneliness. Being lonely and being in solitude are two very, very different states. Throughout scripture we see men and women, would-be kings, warriors and prophets, Jesus himself withdrew for 40 days and nights, willfully leaving the company of others and choosing to be in solitude for clarity, answers, and communion. There’s a quietness that solitude affords. Jacob went into solitude to ask questions and hear. Too often we crowd the state of solitude we are meant to be in to hear from God with distractions, empty relationships, anxiety, comparison to others, and busyness. Confusing what is meant for us to grow, to then believing we are alone, then becoming desperate, lonely, and depressed. I’ve been there, and I’ve done that. What I’ve learned is that in solitude, like a seed, I’m planted to grow, not buried to die. Both seeds are beneath the ground in each state, but two starkly different outlooks.

I can imagine Jacob pacing in the starry night sky as he holds God accountable. “O God of my father, you who said to me, ‘Go back to your country… and I will make you prosper’” (Gen 32:9). More pacing, tears, and confusion, “But you have said, ‘I will surely make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted [!]’” (Gen 32:12). Where are you? An object lesson, practice reminding God of His promises to you. It holds Him accountable. Remember, He is a covenant-making, covenant-keeping God! The nature of every covenant, every contract is clearly defined accountability. God holds us accountable, as should we, Him. Jesus instructs us to come “boldly to the throne of grace!” (Hebrew 4:16 NLT). It’s our right to. “No longer slaves we’ve been adopted into sonship and thus can cry out, ‘Abba, Father!’” and bring all concerns at His feet, per our contract for Him to deal with (Romans 8:15). 

Did you know that our faith and our free will can bind the power of God to act? Obligate Him to? Ever wonder what Jesus meant after cripples, diseased and blind men and women stared at Him as He replied, “your faith has made you whole” or, “your faith has healed you”? (Luke 17:19, Matt 9:22, Luke 18:42 and many others throughout the new testament). It’s because of our contract! Because of our covenant, a woman who has been hemorrhaging for more than a decade with no cure from baffled physicians can dare to squeeze, crawl and bump her way through a crowd to simply touch just the tip of Christ’s tunic with the expectation, that God would act. Luke 8:40-49 records the account. Then the human/God, Jesus turns and asks “Who touched me?” (Luke 8: 45). To which Peter states that in the middle of the crowd, obviously everyone is touching you. Then Jesus retorts in verse 46, “[No], someone touched me; I know that power has gone out of me.” Power has gone out from Him. Pulled by the intangible but very real faith of the woman. Her will to press through, her will to believe, obligated power to leave the body of Christ and enter hers; like a current of energy. It’s law! If God spoke it, it’s obligated to be so. This is God we are talking about here. Who “calls into being that which does not exist as if they did!” (Romans 4:17).

Likewise, our lack of faith can hinder the power of God from acting. Making a stop in His hometown, Matthew notes in chapter 13 verse 58 that Jesus was able to do very little miracles there because of their lack of faith. Faith is like currency. It’s substantive. For “without faith, it’s impossible to please God. For he that cometh to God must first believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him.” (Hebrew 11:6) So Jacob sought. He sought answers. He sought an explanation. And there in the night, in the midst of his distress and fear, again, someone appeared. 

Remember the point made earlier about Jacob’s familiarity with angels? That comes into play here. In his solitude. During his dialogue with the stranger, Jacob starts to realize that this person is no ordinary man, not a mere angel but God! God Himself, standing right there, speaking with him. Jacob doesn’t do what Abraham did, what Moses did, not what Joshua did, or what Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego did; that is, to drop to their knees, shield their eyes in fear or freeze marveling in adoration. Jacob tackles God to wrestle! Him yelling, “I will not let you go until you bless me!” THE BALLS ON THIS GUY! In fact, they wrestled there all night until daybreak. Scripture says that God couldn’t break free. (Imagine that. Here is yet another example of strong will and incredible faith binding God). “When [God] saw that He could not overpower [Jacob], He touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched out of place as they wrestled.” (Gen 32:25) Then God asked, “What is your name?” Jacob states his name. Then God continued, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel. Because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.” (Gen 32:28). God will always affirm who you are over who you think or who others think you to be. Jacob the “supplanter”, the “trickster”, got his name changed to Israel, meaning “God contended, Wrestles with God and May God prevail.” (Side note: The person Jacob wrestled with was not God the Father, but it was Jesus Christ. Yep. You read that right. Jacob’s own great, great, great, great biological human grandson; 40 future genealogical generations to be exact. Oh, and who so happens to be God. Standing right there, presently. Wrestling with him. In the flesh, but not yet earthly born. Mind blown? Yeah, the mysteries of God are infinitely deep. This will be the topic of another post. But I will leave this verse as a precursor, “‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.’” (Isaiah55:8-9)). Alpha and Omega, Jesus has come in and out of what we call “time” with ease because He isn’t bound by it. 

What if your blessing came with a handicap?… Would you still choose to be blessed? The ending verses of Genesis 32, concludes so picturesquely with “The sun rose above [Jacob] as he passed Peniel, and he was limping because of his hip.” So what should you do when your blessing comes with a handicap? You limp away blessed! You’re still blessed in the pain! We’ve all heard it before, “with great power comes great responsibility”. That principle fits here perfectly. Sometimes, with great blessings, come great responsibilities and burdens. Burdens on our time, our finances, our energy that we can perceive to be handicaps. Ever heard of this one, “you’ve been blessed to be a blessing”?

When my wife and I received the gut-punching news that we were 10 weeks pregnant with triplets it was an incredible blessing. A blessing we absolutely could not fathom, especially just having suffered a violent miscarriage in a gas station bathroom stall just a few months prior. Oh the burden of those three new little blessings, and all the handicaps that have come with them. The several devastating diagnoses. The three-month prematurity of micro-preemies. The over 100 days in the NICU before having all three home. The surgeries on my less than six-pound son. The hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical bills. This incredible blessing was levied with many burdens of researching procedures, pathophysiology, and specialists. Many responsibilities of praying over other babies in neighboring NICU rooms. Praying, hugging, crying, and encouraging other NICU parents in hospital elevators and parking deck stairwells that their child will be okay, all the while our son laid septic, intubated, with a collapsed lung and a brain bleed devastatingly teeter-tottering at death’s edge. Having the handicap of needing to do it all while still learning to be a new husband, a new father, and still a long-suffering student finishing my academic studies and research. Sometimes you just have to hobble along. Sometimes, like Paul, you have to recognize that a thorn is a handicap from your blessing. God’s reply to Paul’s plea to remove his handicap was, “No. But do remember my covenant. That my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in [your] weakness.” (2 Cor 12). 

Sometimes, we don’t get the blessings we pray for because God knows we can’t handle the handicap that accompanies it. Ever heard of this, “be careful what you pray for”? Scripture never clarifies if Jacob’s limp and handicap was ever healed. But I personally believe the sight of Jacob hobbling and bowing down to Esau in the physical manner that he did, helped play a role in moving his older twin brother to embrace him in pity, in love, and ultimately in forgiveness (Gen 33). Jacob, patriarch of the faith, who had big balls to wrestle with his God, until he was blessed.

-FailureTested